So it’s been a while since my last blog post here on the new site. A lot has happened since then… we got our infertility diagnosis, completed more testing, tried a bunch of alternatives, and them completed a couple of medicated IUI cycles, after our first one was cancelled.

Then I called it. I couldn’t keep doing it – we couldn’t keep doing it. I honestly can’t imagine continuing with this process and I have the utmost respect for those who are strong enough to keep putting themselves through it all; through IVF, the injections, the constant monitoring, the emotional and mental up’s and down’s of it all.

In the end, Rob and I decided that having kids, and being parents, was more important to us than having babies. I’ll post more on how we came to that decision soon, but the point is that we decided to stop TTC (trying to conceive). We’d talked for years about the idea of adopting, and about adopting children who were in foster care… and now we’re finally (and I still can’t even believe that I’m saying this) going to go for it!

We’re taking a break between now and January 2012 when we’ll start the adoption process. Mostly it’s time for me to obsessively research, talk with some of the adoptive parents I know, etc., but it’s also time to process and grieve the loss of a dream. That being said, once January arrives it will be great to actually complete the application and get this next journey started.

From what I’ve read so far, here in BC the application/education/homestudy process takes and average of 6-12 months, and the average wait time for the category of kids we’d be interested in (known in BC as “BC’s Waiting Children,” who are categorized as “special needs” because they’re older than 2 and/or are part of a sibling group), is 1 1/2 years. That gives us (by average to conservative estimates) about 2-3 years to get ourselves organized and ready to meet our kid(s)!

What that means for me is that I need do some serious work to not go nuts. Infertility has really kicked me in the gut – far more than I’d ever thought it would or could have – and I know that adoption isn’t any easier. In my mind that means that I need to figure out a few things:

1) Support & Information (people who’ve been through it and can give actual practical advice; and lots of useful, applicable research/education for me to dig into)

2) Community (not feeling so alone in all of this… there’s lots out there about private domestic adoption, and international adoption, but shockingly little about public domestic adoption… I need to connect with others who are in a similar space/process)

3) A Life (I feel like I put everything on hold for these couple of years of IF – I need hobbies. I need interesting challenges and ways to channel all this pent-up energy that aren’t just all about having children)

So anyhow… that’s the jist of where we’re at now. I feel like we’re back at square one – just a different square one than we were the first time. I’m a little more tired, a lot less blindly optimistic, a lot more resolved, a little more bitter, and yet still hopeful.

Here goes nothing everything! 🙂