Finding the Up-Side…

So there have been lots of moments over the past couple of years when I’ve been panicked about infertility. I’ve been angry, excited, fearful, hopeful, anxious, despondent… you name it! That’s a big part of why we decided that we needed ‘a break’ after ending our TTC journey early this September, after our final failed medicated IUI. I just needed a break from the endless disappointment and axiety. He just needed a break from me being crazy. We both just needed a chance to catch our breath from the past couple of years.

I’ve still been seeing my counsellor, just because I think it’s a good idea for someone like me who’s walking through a lot of stuff… and just in general a good idea in general! One of the things I asked my counsellor last time I was there was if there were any areas in how I was working through all of this that she thought were things I needed to be working through more before starting the adoption process. I was surprised, but encouraged when she said to me that she feels like I’ve dealt with it in a very healthy way, with a lot of grace, and that she feels quite confident that there are no ‘red flags’ there.

Can’t tell you how much that encouraged me!! I keep thinking that I must be over-reacting or that I’m a little nuts – it’s nice to hear that this is normal and that I’m OK, even if it doesn’t feel like it some days!

Anyhow, that led me to thinking about what some of the up-sides are of adopting, through foster care, after infertility. Now keep in mind that some of these are a tongue-in-cheek, but that’s part of the dark humour that comes from walking this road!

  • Not having morning sickness! My SIL, Dawn, is about 8 weeks pregnant now… and she feels like garbage. She’s got morning sickness ALL DAY long. I hate nausea, so this is something I’m pretty excited about not experiencing. 😉
  • Our kids will likely already be potty-trained… nice! I mean seriously – who likes diapers? (Well honestly, I was really excited about getting those cool cloth diapers and being all hard-core earth mom and all, but that’s something I’m OK with not having to do!)
  • Our kids will be able to use words to tell us what’s wrong! True – lots of kids who come from hard places often face challenges in understanding what’s upsetting them, and knowing how to express that, but hey – we get to actually ask them, and they can tell us. Bonus!
  • We get to do fun stuff right away! When Rob and I think about the idea of kids, the things that are most exciting to us aren’t googling at babies – they’re about DOING stuff, like camping, playing, picnics, and ball games… you know – fun stuff.
  • No stretch marks… well, no new stretch marks! Pregnancy does a number on a woman’s body, but me – I’ll never have to deal with that. Go team, right?
  • Our kids may not be doomed to have complete pancake butts! Rob and I both have super flat white-people bums, and we used to joke that our poor future kids wouldn’t stand a chance… so now, who knows! We could end up with kids from any racial/cultural background, and they could have actual proper padding on their behinds.

OK, maybe that last one was stretching it, but I’m still new at this. I’m hoping that hoping will be a good thing – that looking forward to the future with optimism and hopeful anticipation will be a lot more enjoyable than the misery and constant disappointment that TTC/IF turned out to be, so hey – one step at a time, eh?

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